Now Reading: Why I Got Married So Young: From My Wife’s Perspective


Why I Got Married So Young: From My Wife’s Perspective

December 2, 20116 min read

About a month ago I wrote a blog telling folks why I got married so young. I was deeply encouraged by the responses from all who read it and my prayer has been that the Lord would help us to think more biblically about marriage. If you didn’t get to read that original post check it out here: Why Did I Get Married So Young?

Well after so many folks reached out to me and told me how helpful it was for them, I thought it would be just as helpful to let my wife, Jessica, answer the same question from her perspective. So here it is. What made my wife decide to get married so young? She says…

1. I found a godly man 

When I first met Trip, I was not planning on getting married anytime soon. But from the very first time we went out, I knew there was something different about him. He was passionate about the Gospel in a way that I had never seen before in a guy my age. I also never met someone with such a wise perspective on dating. Thanks to his discipleship before college he knew exactly what he thought a godly relationship should look like and he wasn’t willing to compromise that.

I will admit that I struggled with this at first. It seemed too serious and excessive. But over time the Lord began to show me the wisdom in a relationship saturated with community, sexual AND emotional purity, and dating for the purpose of marriage. If you’re not ready to be married, then its probably not a good idea to engage each others hearts. In Song of Solomon we are warned not to awaken love before its time. As women, we are very emotional beings and so when I met a man who was passionate about conducting our relationship in a way that would guard my heart, I knew I found a keeper :)

 2. We were encouraged by the people in our lives 

During our courtship we asked certain people to be intimately involved in our relationship. They would keep us accountable to our boundaries and help us make wise decisions about our relationship. We also went through premarital counseling before we even got engaged. These two things allowed for us to seek the wisdom of older, wiser brothers and sisters about whether or not it was a good idea to get married. God has given us pastors and mentors from our local church for a reason. They help us think through our decisions wisely and give a godly outside perspective. Relationships that are conducted in isolation are putting couples at serious risk of sin and unwise decision making.  I would really encourage dating couples to have other believers from your community intimately involved in their relationship.

3. The Lord showed me the beauty of marriage 

As a freshman in college I had what I like to call Superwoman Syndrome. I was very independent and career driven, very opposed to the idea of needing a man. I don’t think there is anything wrong with being independent or career driven, but in my heart it was more than that. I was despising God’s design for men and women. I would have never said that out loud, but if I was honest, I was frustrated with what I thought the Bible had to say about women. We are weaker, we can’t teach, we can’t lead, we aren’t the head of the household, and my very favorite, we are to have a gentle and quiet spirit. I thought I had anything but a gentle and quiet spirit and I wasn’t interested in changing my personality. All of these thoughts led me to think that marriage was something that would hold me back. It would keep me from pursuing all the career dreams I had and some day I would end up with 10 and half babies on a farm somewhere. 

Thankfully, over the years the Lord has taught me and showed me what it really looks like to be a godly woman. Being a godly woman isn’t defined by what you do or don’t do. I know plenty of godly women who faithfully serve the Lord in a corporate job and countless women who serve their children and husbands faithfully at home. Biblical womanhood is about understanding God’s unique role for us as women and delighting in the beauty of Gods design. 

 As a married woman I have learned so much about what it means to be a godly women and I don’t feel chained down by my husband or my marriage. God’s design for marriage is for our good and His glory. Knowing and believing that gave me the confidence to marry at the age of 22. Two and half years later, I don’t have any regrets, and I can only pray that the Lord continues to bless our marriage.

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  • Jdharden1

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:53 am

    That’s amazing, how God can write the most perfect love story to those who hand over the pen to him. Thank you Jessica, I really needed this. This encourages me as a 16yr old to submit to God and let him have his way in my love life. God bless you.

  • Jannon Fitzpatrick

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:53 am

    I LOVE THIS!! We are youth pastors at a small church and I always tell the teens, “There are only two things you will ever do in a relationship… 1) Get Married 2) Break up. Breaking up hurts and creates baggage, so if you are not ready to get married, it’s best not to start in a relationship.” (Not that you don’t grow to be ready for marriage in a relationship, but I’m mostly talking to 13-16 yr olds.) Most people start a relationship thinking it will be a small, shortlived, fun thing. But then feelings develop, you fall into sin, and then it’s harder than ever to get out. If we would protect the heart God Gave us as precious, and go at relationships from this perspective, the perspective of it ending up in marriage to a Godly man or woman, we would be far less hurt and broken by the time that Godly man or woman God has for us comes around! Thanks for sharing!!!

  • Demonslayer4god777

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:54 am

    I’m really glad I clicked on the link to read this post. I am 25 and my husband and I have been married for nearly 5 years. Now, I am the first to tell everybody that God is the reason we are married. Like you, at 21, I was NOT looking for nor did I want a husband, shoot I didn’t want a boyfriend. 2007 was the year God completely changed my life. In January I had just discovered what God really wanted was relationship rather than religion so I was on high(spiritually) and zeal like nothing I had ever experienced before. Next thing I know a month later I was married. Crazy I know. But what can I say…God told us to do it. And five years later, we are still together, and growing together in Christ. Now, I wouldn’t advise to anyone to do it as rapidly as we did. But I wouldn’t advise against it, if you feel led by God, and have prayed and fast. I pray that God continues to not only grow your marriage but strengthen it. I pray that your love for each other also continues to grow. I bind up anything, anyperson, any spirit, that would try to divide you. I pray that you are blessed with great communication skills, and increased patience. May God keep you, in Jesus name.

  • Matt Novak

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:54 am

    Thanks guys for using your courtship and marriage as an example and encouragement for young singles and young married couples. Thanks for glorifying God with your marriage, and sharing your wisdom and experiences with the body of Christ, which is in fact the bride of Christ, so this also gives us a portrait of how we are to live as the bride of Christ. Praise God for the work he has done in your lives to mature you both at such a young age.

  • Ariep17

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:54 am

    Wow this was really great! As a 20 y.o. ppl look at me like im insane for having the desire to get married. I would love to see some expansion on what you mean by “emotionally pure.” I love the trasparency also in what you said. God bless yall

    • Philipns2 5 11

      August 19, 2013 / at 7:55 am

      Basically, when she says “emotionally pure” she’s talking more about not already in your mind trying to marry the guy or think that you are “exclusively” his just because you’re dating. That can lead to other sinful thoughts like, “sexual fantasies, lust,etc.” You realize you’re emotionally impure when your vision of that other person’s character is so clouded that you make the relationship an idol in your own mind. That’s why Proverbs 4:23 is so important to live by,especially as a woman because we are, like was mentioned, “emotional” creatures.

      • Ariep17

        August 19, 2013 / at 7:55 am

        I got you now thanks. Your absolutely right. I myself have struggled with that. That only leads to unnecessary hurt

  • Kerai Riddle

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:56 am

    I love this!!!!!!!!! Sometimes you seem to forget that youre not the only one because so many around you mostly peers seem to think your “jumping the gun” so many people to me that i wasnt ready and im too young, but i truly believe this is what god had in store for me. I was scared out of my mind the day after because not only did i get married early at the age of 18 i also married a man i knew less than a year and he was only 19. We had a instant connection like our souls were destined to be together, i love him more now than i ever have hes my partner for life and i wouldnt change it for anything. We prayed together and went to church together got married and had a child together now here we are..It will be 3 years in february and i still have no regrets that i made this move :-) god has blessed me with a good man.. My vows mean the world to me and i wouldnt break them.. Thanks for posting this keep it up i love young love… You hardly ever see couples last til death but i strive to be that couple til death do we part divorce is not an option!!

  • Adrienne Kelly

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:57 am

    God bless you two. He surely will because you trusted Him and His divine plan for the male/female relationship and came into covenant agreement that you would honor Him and each other for life. I’m so proud.

  • M.A.R.V.

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:57 am

    Loved it!! Ay yall should a Woman-up a insight on biblical womanhood and all your wifes do it :)

  • Louib2001

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:57 am

    Praise the Lord for you brother and your lovely wife of your youth. I pray that the Lord will pour favor continuously throughout your life, because you have obeyed his word. I am 28 and have been married now for almost two years and my wife and I have a happy marriage and a lovely 10 moth old baby. I always wanted to get married younger, but I believe it wasn’t time yet for me until the Lord brought my good thing almost 5 years ago (to be precise we met on the day we got born again 31 Dec 2006). I did not know we where destined to be together as I took her as an ordinary sister from church. I was also concentrating on my spiritual growth, but three years ago my eyes opened and the rest as they say is history.

    It is in Satan’s agenda for people not to be married, so that they live in sin and we already know what will happen. Have we looked at the rate of divorce in the body today? How about brothers and sister fornicating in the church, because of what society dictates.

    If we look at how our cities are filled with youth violence today, do we take a moment to think of some of the root causes? The moment man exchange Godly values for circular ism all this fell apart. Even Christian parents are ignorantly promoting circular ism by discouraging their children not to get married young (at the age of concern obviously). The reasons are I quote”you need to get an education, maybe when you finish your masters and have a decent job, then start to think about marriage”. That sound wise doesn’t it ? So what happens when your Christian child is goes to university and then moves in with boy/girl friend whose either Christian or non?

    Please do not get me wrong(that’s just some of the things I have come across), because the above statement does not apply to all. Education is very important as one acquires knowledge for their respective profession so they could work and provide for their future families etc, but marriage wont stop one from succeeding in what ever area in life one chooses to follow, as a matter of fact a marriage in general promotes growth i.e great ministry, good heath, wealth and the list goes on. Remember the two becomes one flesh and can chase 10 000 wow, that means that in agreement what ever they ask God faithfully they will attain, awesome…..

    In close I would like to suggest that we as Christians start teaching our children at a young age on the importance of first living for God and secondly the importance of marriage( to those who’ve been given the gift) so that they grow up wanting to please God in this area. Once again well done my brother and to all those living the word of God. Stay blessed.

  • Iwantstate01

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:58 am

    Jessica, could you share some of the practical things Trip did during your courtship to guard your heart EMOTIONALLY. I understand setting physical purity boundaries. But what did it look like practically in the emotional area?


  • Purposedrivenjc

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:58 am

    this gave me a new outlook in marriage, thanks bunches

  • Kory Hagler

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:58 am

    My heart is truly encouraged, absolutely beautiful

  • Robert Rivera

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:59 am

    Beautiful!! God bless you guys!! Very encouraging…

  • Punchyko

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:59 am

    wow!!! good stuff, thanks so much for posting this blog! Grace&peace 0=)

  • Katherine2c

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:59 am

    I so NEEDED to read this!!! Thank you!! I struggle with the things you once struggled with and I want to honor the Lord and my husband!!!! With that being said, I will continue to strive to be that P31 wife!!! Thank You!!!

  • Paul WenChih Anibal

    August 19, 2013 / at 7:59 am

    Anything worth doing is worth doing better with a synergistic partner. … so we write: http://mentoringmarriages.word
    Thanks for your article.

  • ChosenV

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:00 am

    I really thank God for your blog. After reading it for the 1st time I was wow’d at Gods work. Three months down the line I read this again and I’m still wow’d. I’m a 22 year old female and with marraige “looming”, your blog is trully inspirational. It is my prayer that my man be as God driven as Trip was in terms of fulfilling his role as a man in our relationship. May God bless you:-)

  • Chelster

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:00 am

    At Man Up, LA, a couple months ago, Jess mentioned that Trip is her “covering,” and here she talked about how she used to be a “superwoman,” but came to learn what godly (submissive) femininity is supposed to look like.
    Can either or both of you speak a little more specifically on what you believe God’s idea is for men’s and women’s roles in a marriage? Y’all are a blessing!!

  • Nicole-Rose Munhawa

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:00 am

    I really think your story is wonderful. Both of you grasped the beauty of the gift of marriage and you’ve really inspired me. Congratulations on your marriage and I pray for outrageous love to be shared between you. So happy for you

  • Kayla_brown_1

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:00 am

    why cant i find that :(

  • Godgiven51

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:01 am

    Such a wise perspective,my wife and I have been married for 5 years and I am also in the Gospel hip hop field,its always awesome to have her in my corner praying when we travel,you wives play an important part in our lives,keep doing what ya doin sis!

  • Iolene_Branch

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:01 am

    I put myself on the journey to be a better woman of Christ at the beginning of 2011 and I must say I have come a very far ways and I am extremely proud of myself. During my journey God placed a blessed man in my path and reading this blog has definitely played its part as the last sign needed from my prayers.

    I also had no intentions of searching for a man to spend the rest of my life with at 20 years old, but here I am, and this blog is extremely encouraging. For me to stand beside him in all his endeavors and be the woman God created me to be and be by his side as God molds him to be the man he needs to be.

    Thank you for this. I really do appreciate it :)

  • Arnold Mofor

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:01 am

    Whao, Trip and Jessica! You actually do not know how far your lessons are reaching-I am in Cameroon. I am 25 yr-old and recently took a day in extended time with God to seek God concerning my future partner. Then I came up with a checklist/ Prayer points list of the kind of woman I want to date and eventually marry. Then a day later I met your blog. I think God is preparing me in special way. This is my Wife’s Checklist/ prayer points list:
    (grade 1-4)
    Devoted and growing Christian
    My suitable Helper
    Respects her parents, her family, the authority and me in my presence and absence
    Partners with me in my ministry
    Submissive in everything
    Has a Gentle and Quiet Spirit
    Shares similar thoughts, struggles, pains, no secrets
    Does not desire outer beauty-clothes, jewelry, hair styles
    Prudent and Generous
    Makes me desire to work extremely harder

  • Angela Johnson

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:01 am

    What a Blessing You Both Are! Keep On Keeping On With HIM! You Won’t Go Wrong…..Ever! I got married young but without the wisdom of HIM and others who were led of The Spirit to encourage us to seek HIM first……I must say that anyone who chooses HIS Way will be positioning them selves to receive HIS Plan for them and not their plans for themselves which is Far Greater than Anything we could ever “think of” for ourselves….TRUST IN HIM!:) I am walking by Faith and not by Sight (2 corinthians 5:7) Or I would have killed my self……Without HIM I saw no good thing. Thank You LORD For Sending The Holy Spirit Who Comforts and Guides me. JESUS Is LORD! ( I am still married and we Both <3 The Lord!) Stay Blessed!:) Much <3 and Peace!:) Very Inspiring of you both to have posted, Thank You Very Much!:)

  • aneetarh

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:03 am

    thank u so much Jessica,dis is exactly wot i need right nw. God rilly bls u guys. I’m 21,in a godly relatnshp n my boyfriend wants us 2 get married ASAP. I wasn’t sure if it’s a gud idea cause i felt i wasn’t matured enuf bt i thank God 4 dis,if it’s God’s will den i totally subscribe 2 it

  • Rchllnndreher

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:03 am

    WOW the reasons behind you getting marride are the same as mine were and what still make me believe I made the right choice I also felt God saying this is the one it is time to let go of the past only our pastor didnt approve which made it a hard choice in a way other than I was following God. I’m 22 and just got married 2 mo ago. It may be a short time but God is growing us together and teaching us so much(for me how to open up be soft and be a woman as God created me to be) It was awsome to read this and I want to thank you for taking the time to write it. May God Bless You and Your House!

  • Rachel Wright

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:03 am

    Ya’ll testimony is so awesome! It is is encouraging to hear that ya’ll were able to get married young. I myself am getting married this summer at the age of 21 and God has blessed us in so many ways and continues to amaze us and bless us! Thank you once again from both of you for these uplifting blogs!

  • Dfletcher812

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:03 am

    I Totally Agree. I got married at the age of 18. Yes I was a baby but, the Lord spoke to me and told me not be afraid to take a leap of faith and being Obedient to the will of God i did. Now Im 24 with Three Kids and my Husband and I are very deep in ministry of music. God has done some impossible things in our lives and I love to hear that other young women and young men of God realize that God has given their soul mate to them and deiced to make the right decision.

    And we cant forget, Mary married Joseph at 14 years of age and Birthed Jesus, She was a virgin and pure in the sight of God. So Ladies and men stay pure for God until u marry!!!

  • Grabiel Rivera

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:04 am

    thats great the same has happened to me and my wife , i was 21 and she was 18. we let god direct us and be in our marriage and now he showing us his work in our lifes and in our marriage. may god keep blessing yah marriage like he has done in ours god bless

  • Addis Hunter

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:04 am

    Thank you for your testimony, I can relate to you in many ways. I do have to admit that I struggle daily with “having a gentle and quiet spirit” part of marrige..Like you, I was and still am very driven and independant , and acknowledging my husband as the head of household and submitting to his ideas (even when I dont agree) is my biggest challenge as a young wife. I ask God every day to help me humble myself and submitt to my husband in every way. Thank you for sharing.

  • Cy Hudson

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:04 am

    You guys are such an incredible blessing to young believers! I love these two blogs and thank the LORD for all he has spoke to me through you two!

  • Jennifer Ann Seller

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:05 am

    21 years old, and I feel like you’re describing me. I definitely have that Superwoman Syndrome. Thank you so much for your inspiring testimony, it gives me hope :)

  • Orinthea Mckenzie

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:05 am

    I am really encouraged by this testimony. May God Bless your union

  • Pulemolise

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:05 am

    thnx alot Trip and Jessica,many adults nid 2 see dis,i m truly encouraged by you guys,I luv hw ur sides complement,-Trip met a godly woman and Jessica met a godly man,wow!(dats why u had 2 get married,lol!) nd we thnk God 4 u guys,u hv shown dat u can b responsible adults at a young age wen adults at an older age cant evn manage a fraction of wat u r doing,big-ups 2 u,nd may God continue 2 bles ur marriage more and more with each day dt comes

  • Uyi Ewansiha

    August 19, 2013 / at 8:06 am

    this got my thinking about a lot

  • simon paul -----uk

    November 9, 2013 / at 5:55 pm

    Thank u so much Jessica for such apowerful encouragement .Am 21 but i alwalys thought growing means focus on a relationship .Sorry to bother you, Does dating someone in a christian relationship meanyou have to marry that very person , though she has got all the intimacy ur looking for..n you dont wanna hurt person..cos she expects uto be her hubby …How would u handle such a catastrophe?????thxx.

  • Kaila

    November 14, 2013 / at 9:36 pm

    I know this was written awhile ago and I finally got a chance to read it. But, I guess this was a good time for me to read it. Seems like God keeps putting little things around to tell me it’s time to put him back into things. And I think not only my relationship with my boyfriend is what’s needs Him back in it, but this shows that He can help smooth things out.

    I also found it interesting that I never thought of my mindset as the Superwomen Syndrome, but I can definitely can say I need help working on mine. That’s how my boyfriend describes me when I try to take on too much whether it be emotionally or work wise.

  • Colton

    February 10, 2014 / at 5:00 pm

    Hey Trip! I read both of these blogs, and they (along with the godly counsel of family and friends) have been immensely helpful to me in the past few months. I’ve met the girl that I know God has for me to marry, and we’re just waiting on his timing. It’s quite possible that we will end up married even before you were, or at least by then!

    What advice would you give to someone who is in every other way ready to marry, except for the ability to provide a home (because of attending college)?

    Thanks so much!

  • Nadene

    May 24, 2014 / at 5:38 pm

    This was beautiful. Can’t express how much I needed this :’). God is truly faithful!

  • Myles

    September 4, 2014 / at 4:52 pm

    Thanks Jessica that was Gods truth I had to hear!

  • Femi

    February 21, 2015 / at 1:34 pm

    Thanks for sharing Jessica. this has surely changed my view on dating; not to awaken love before its time. dope!

  • Lily

    June 11, 2017 / at 12:47 am

    Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom on the topic. Reading this has helped me more than you know.

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